N64 Said:

Words simply cannot do it justice. Which is a nuisance. Rats.

Simple fare, so cleverly employed that you won't notice it grow on you.

A totally immersive lesson in game design, feedback and control.

It's such a disaster to finish SM64 that you'll pretend you haven't, and start all over.

Swahili holds the only word to sum it up. SM64 is absolutely tsufufum.
Super Mario 64
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14/11/2013 Honestly, I've never really got Mario games, but I was prepared to try put aside my bias and give it another bash. So slap that cart in the N64, flick that switch - Boom, it's Mazza time. Right out of the gate I'm thinking the controls are still great, just running around, jumping off of walls and sliding all over the place brought a smile to my face. Everything still feels tight and responsive, it's impressive Nintendo got it so good first time. But here's my beef straight away - the story, or lack of really. Peach invites you to the castle and then... you explore. So I run around, get a couple of stars, what happens next? More stars, more levels, more stars... What next? More stars, more levels, more stars, more levels... at this point I don't even want to enter a new level because I know it's just going to be more coins(in a variety of colours too) and stars. I need narrative goddamnit! We should be chasing Bowser from level to level, or unlocking parts of something that will lead to the final battle, what good are these stars. The levels themselves don't inspire me to investigate, often you can see a lot of the level straight away, it doesn't feel like a great mystery waiting to be explored. And those that are a bit more mysterious, like the sunken ship, are victims of the first generation graphics - plain, sparsely decorated, not alive feeling. Hey and why do I get kicked out of the level everytime I get a star huh? I didn't spend all that time going to the highest/farest point just to start over. I want to like your game Mario, but your levels are not compelling me, and why are so many of them floating in the fucking sky?! I can only fall to my clumsy death so many times before I yell "Enough!" and give up. Perhaps I'm not Italian enough to enjoy all this jumping. N64 Mag gave this a 9 for visuals, which seems fair enough in context, it was good looking for a launch title, but now it looks plain, there's no detail and the N64 can do a whole lot better - as we of the future know. Sounds? The only thing I noticed about the sounds were that some of them seemed to be the same effects used in Starfox 64(Lylat Wars), not a bad thing at all, but the music was instantly forgettable. If you have a special place in your heart for plumbers in red and blue, then you might still get a kick out of Super Mario 64, I don't, and I find about 5 minutes of play is just the right amount for me.
Not Shit